Saturday, February 11, 2012

Chili dogs

Tom Maddox, Biloxi, Ms

"My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion,
and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at
a nearby table. I asked her, 'Do you know him?' Yes,' she sighed, Yes He's
my old boyfriend...I understand he took to drinking right after we split up,
those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since..'
My God!' I said, 'who wouldn't think a person could go on celebrating that
long would you?'
Doctor says I will be alright but would probably always walk with a limp"...

I don't know if I ever told yawl about me taking Billy Jean
Ledbetter to the drive-in. My Daddy had a A-Model back in 1949, the back had
been cut off and made into a pick-up, the seat was a folded up blanket. I
had never carried Billy Jean to the drive-in so it would be a first for both
of us. I never carried her again, I'm getting ahead of myself. The
Ledbetter's lived out in the country near Soso,Ms. Her Daddy hunted
squirrels with a single shot 22, they always had plenty of squirrels to eat
folks said. Her Daddy was cleaning that rifle on the front porch and he told
me, " Be sure Billy Jean don't get fooled-with, I know where you live, boy".
That kept pounding in my head all the way back to town. We had no more than
got parked at the drive-in, and Billy Jean lit-in after me. I was in no mood
for romance, I felt my life depended on my ability to fight her off and not
graze her or pull a button off her blouse. We had to get out and fold that
blanket back up at least a half dozen times, I didn't care, I needed the
respite. I felt if I could keep her eating chili dogs I could distract her,
that worked only while she ate the chili dogs and drank R C cola. Two chili
dogs and a R C cola was a quarter in those days. I made a lot of vows that
night, few I kept except the one to never carry a girl to the drive-in that
out weighed me and was much stronger than I was. I knew I would not keep the
one about staying clear of moon-shine but I was in a desperate situation. I
was in a mood to swear celibacy for the rest of my life and never touch
"shine" again if It would spare me getting gun shot.
I knew I was fighting for my life, I felt like Jacob wrestling with
that angel at Jacob's Ladder, I prayed I would not leave with a limp, like
Jacob did. As long as I could keep her distracted with Chile dogs I could
rest up for her next round of attacking me, I began to realize I had already
spent half my life's saving and Billy Jean was just getting stronger. A
couple times I worried that we might turn that A-Model over. Somehow my shoe
got caught in the steering wheel and went flying across the parking lot. I
got home limping after all, some low class stole my shoe. Next day I was
wearing one brown shoe and one black shoe. I lost the other black one trying
to help my Uncle Cooter catch a hog, none of us had ever seen a hog would
eat a shoe before. I finally got her home, I stopped at a Billups gas
station for her to freshen up, I told her to take her time. They only had
one key to the bathroom and it was hooked to a boat paddle, they did that
back then. I never got shot but I sure spent a lot of time explaining in
church that my vows were made in jest.

1 comment:

  1. I see zero comments on any of your blogs, Thomas! Perhaps it is that nobody can improve upon perfection. Maybe it's because they have don't have time to waste on it. You make the call. Since I value your judgement much more than Lee Pickles' or Precious', I have decided to pattern my life after your wisdom. Before it's all gone, as it must be draining out of your head faster than the national debt is flowing from the US. While I cannot quote any of your philosophy, or risk getting excommunicated from the Southern Baptist Church, I will adhere to your tenets as best I can. Since I am married, I must follow most of your advice in secret. If Doris ever reads this, after she shoots me, you are a dead man. Of course, like the weather coming from Mississippi to GA, it will take her two days to get to you.
    David Bishop
    Cassville GA