Don't ever read the possible side effects on a medicine bottle. Do
people really need to be warned that if their face starts sluffing off and
persist, you might want to call your doctor. The very first stage of
sluffing, and I will be letting the whole countryside know. My wife decided
I needed my own cell phone. We got me one, the purchase went something like
this.
"He doesn't need any minutes, I will be calling him". "We don't sell
plans without minutes". "Then he needs the least minutes you have and it
needs to ring loud". Ring-ring. "It needs to be louder". "We'll try that".
Got in my truck my phone won't ring, back to store. "This phone won't ring".
"It rung here in the store". " I know that I heard it, it just won't ring in
my truck". "Let me call it again". Ring-ring. "Maybe you called wrong
number". "I know what the number is". Back in truck. "Call me with your
phone". Phone won't ring. Back to store. "This phone only rings here in this
store, I can't come here every time I need to be called ". "It rang fine
awhile ago when you were here". " I know I heard it, but it won't ring in my
truck". "Here you the hold the phone, I will call you". Phone won't ring now
in the store. "Phone must be closed up to ring". Didn't know phones have to
be closed to ring, do now. She should have thought of that when she sold me
this thing. If I get a call it's my wife, no one knows my number, suits me.
My memory data bank has about expired too. My wife says the more I
can forget my past the better I ought to feel.
Tom's Daylily Page <http://www.tomsdaylilies.com>
Tom's Blog <http://tomstalkin.blogspot.com>
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Growing Older
Growing old the first losses you will encounter is hearing, teeth
and a sense of decency. The first two can be bought back, decency can only
be achieved by deception. I always thought decency was tied some how to
keeping your pants on when they should be on. My wife thinks I should
practice being more modest and decent. I find modesty is harder to
accomplish than playing the guitar. I have come to realized that modesty is
not for people who excel in most of their endeavors. Show me a person who is
modest and I'll show you someone who has not risen very far above the
expectations of their spouse or their family. My ego which might appear
flawed at times to others, it just won't let me get any more "modester" than
I am right now. When you come from a family who makes the TV program "Cops"
at least once a year, then it's hard to not toot your horn, for just being
civil. Being civil in the South usually means you don't own a pistol to
carry in your back pocket. I can usually hunker down and come up with some
compassion and forgiveness for someone, unless they have bad-mouthed my
Daylilies, that's not always pardonable. I will continue to strive for some
modesty, even if I have to lie about having more of it than I actually do.
In my way of thinking, when you refuse to look at someone's seedling
pictures, you are trodding on unforgiveness grounds. When I was in school
Camel cigarettes and girls was my favorite subject, I had more success with
the first. Since most of the good ones seemed to have me in mind, Most
Northerners may not know this, but young Southerners go to Wakes to check
out the chicks, just a habit I sure find hard to break even at 77. I sure
hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of whining, can't stand whiners.
...............tom
and a sense of decency. The first two can be bought back, decency can only
be achieved by deception. I always thought decency was tied some how to
keeping your pants on when they should be on. My wife thinks I should
practice being more modest and decent. I find modesty is harder to
accomplish than playing the guitar. I have come to realized that modesty is
not for people who excel in most of their endeavors. Show me a person who is
modest and I'll show you someone who has not risen very far above the
expectations of their spouse or their family. My ego which might appear
flawed at times to others, it just won't let me get any more "modester" than
I am right now. When you come from a family who makes the TV program "Cops"
at least once a year, then it's hard to not toot your horn, for just being
civil. Being civil in the South usually means you don't own a pistol to
carry in your back pocket. I can usually hunker down and come up with some
compassion and forgiveness for someone, unless they have bad-mouthed my
Daylilies, that's not always pardonable. I will continue to strive for some
modesty, even if I have to lie about having more of it than I actually do.
In my way of thinking, when you refuse to look at someone's seedling
pictures, you are trodding on unforgiveness grounds. When I was in school
Camel cigarettes and girls was my favorite subject, I had more success with
the first. Since most of the good ones seemed to have me in mind, Most
Northerners may not know this, but young Southerners go to Wakes to check
out the chicks, just a habit I sure find hard to break even at 77. I sure
hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of whining, can't stand whiners.
...............tom
Periles of Pauline
There is a lot of things I just don't understand in this world.
Even though my education was half hearted at best, I guess I shouldn't
complain too much. How does a thermos know to keep something cold or hot?
Seems to me it would need a switch so you could select what you wanted it to
do. My brother said it might be digital. After all he worked at Sears,
putting batteries in cars, I figured he should know.
I don't understand how well thought of people in the community
can be so callous. When my High School principal told my Mother that I stood
a good chance of ending up in Incarceration, I thought his laughing about it
was quite out of order. I guess it shows how even with his high education
level, it still didn't keep him from enjoying pointing out my shortcomings.
In my family shortcomings is something we don't laugh about, though I'm told
multitudes do. I ask my Mother why our family had such SHORT COMINGS, She
said it had something to do with living so far South. I'll explain that
someday.
I don't understand why people pay marriage councilors. My wife
carried me to a marriage councilor and he told me to spill my heart and soul
out to him, so he could get to the root of my problems. I figured with all
his training he had to take a lot of courses in sympathy, and how to lift
the spirits of the down trodden and misunderstood. I figured that's why
people paid for his opinion. So I told him every thing about my life, why my
reputation was so tarnished, and pityful. He told me, I should be ashamed of
myself. If that's what councilors are paid to do.
I owe half the people in town money. The therapist told me to list every
thing I enjoyed in life and go do them, and I would feel better.
That didn't work out so good either, many were against the law, some were a
sin, or worst of all most would make me FAT. I didn't go
back..................................tom
Even though my education was half hearted at best, I guess I shouldn't
complain too much. How does a thermos know to keep something cold or hot?
Seems to me it would need a switch so you could select what you wanted it to
do. My brother said it might be digital. After all he worked at Sears,
putting batteries in cars, I figured he should know.
I don't understand how well thought of people in the community
can be so callous. When my High School principal told my Mother that I stood
a good chance of ending up in Incarceration, I thought his laughing about it
was quite out of order. I guess it shows how even with his high education
level, it still didn't keep him from enjoying pointing out my shortcomings.
In my family shortcomings is something we don't laugh about, though I'm told
multitudes do. I ask my Mother why our family had such SHORT COMINGS, She
said it had something to do with living so far South. I'll explain that
someday.
I don't understand why people pay marriage councilors. My wife
carried me to a marriage councilor and he told me to spill my heart and soul
out to him, so he could get to the root of my problems. I figured with all
his training he had to take a lot of courses in sympathy, and how to lift
the spirits of the down trodden and misunderstood. I figured that's why
people paid for his opinion. So I told him every thing about my life, why my
reputation was so tarnished, and pityful. He told me, I should be ashamed of
myself. If that's what councilors are paid to do.
I owe half the people in town money. The therapist told me to list every
thing I enjoyed in life and go do them, and I would feel better.
That didn't work out so good either, many were against the law, some were a
sin, or worst of all most would make me FAT. I didn't go
back..................................tom
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Baptist
I think my daughter probably gets her good looks from me. I got my new glasses now and I do look pretty good I must admit. Joyce was the Homecoming Queen so I think she deserves me, even though I do enjoy my own company. My brother told me when I was a baby, that my Mother came home from the hospital without me but the police brought me home and threatened her if she ever left me again in public. She told me that I did begin to look more promising with age. I’m Southern Baptist, we believe the back four pews in church is where God dwells most of the time, if you sit on one of the front four pews you are guilty of something and trying to repent. If you dream of fried chicken and banana pudding twice in one week you are probably being called to preach. To go in a liquor store in your own home State is sinful and showing signs of arrogance and dementia. I need to publish a pamphlet.
Marriage
Men think of women every 15 seconds, women think of shopping every
15 seconds and think of men about twice a month. If your wife ask you if you
still love her, she will usually add, “You sure don’t act like you do”.
“Well, what did I do this time”? “If you don’t know just forget it”. “That
should be easy since I have no idea how this got started in the first
place”. I don’t mind listening to others opinion as long as I get a chance
to show them how ridiculous their opinion really was. Never argue with your
wife, she will surely remind you how you almost killed her when one of your
children was born, that you were responsible for. You will have no comeback,
since you can’t have children. I tried to get pregnant once but failed
miserably. Adult beverages (beer) will kill some of your brain cells, I am
only now getting my brain cells down to a manageable level. When a man is in
his teens fighting raging hormones they want to get married as soon as they
can talk some woman into marrying them or find a REAL friendly girlfriend.
Once a man reaches about 75 they usually will look back at all this as
youthful ignorance and over imagination and wonder why all the fuss?
15 seconds and think of men about twice a month. If your wife ask you if you
still love her, she will usually add, “You sure don’t act like you do”.
“Well, what did I do this time”? “If you don’t know just forget it”. “That
should be easy since I have no idea how this got started in the first
place”. I don’t mind listening to others opinion as long as I get a chance
to show them how ridiculous their opinion really was. Never argue with your
wife, she will surely remind you how you almost killed her when one of your
children was born, that you were responsible for. You will have no comeback,
since you can’t have children. I tried to get pregnant once but failed
miserably. Adult beverages (beer) will kill some of your brain cells, I am
only now getting my brain cells down to a manageable level. When a man is in
his teens fighting raging hormones they want to get married as soon as they
can talk some woman into marrying them or find a REAL friendly girlfriend.
Once a man reaches about 75 they usually will look back at all this as
youthful ignorance and over imagination and wonder why all the fuss?
How to impress a Father-in Law
10 ways on how to impress your hopeful Father-in-Law about marrying his daughter:
1. I have not been arrested in the last year.
2. My family owns our own pulp wood truck and chain saw.
3. I willing to marry your daughter even though she is already over Fourteen.
4. My mother was once a professional wrestler and lost one arm.
5. My Mother once beat a cop almost to death with her purse.
6. Over half the children in my family have the same father.
7. My father was picked up by an alien flying saucer, three different times.
8. I could blow smoke rings when I was only ten years old.
9. I got your daughters phone number off the Billips Service Station men’s room wall.
10. Two of my brothers have State ordered Vasectomies.
Tom's Daylily Page <http://www.tomsdaylilies.com>
Tom's Blog <http://tomstalkin.blogspot.com>
1. I have not been arrested in the last year.
2. My family owns our own pulp wood truck and chain saw.
3. I willing to marry your daughter even though she is already over Fourteen.
4. My mother was once a professional wrestler and lost one arm.
5. My Mother once beat a cop almost to death with her purse.
6. Over half the children in my family have the same father.
7. My father was picked up by an alien flying saucer, three different times.
8. I could blow smoke rings when I was only ten years old.
9. I got your daughters phone number off the Billips Service Station men’s room wall.
10. Two of my brothers have State ordered Vasectomies.
Tom's Daylily Page <http://www.tomsdaylilies.com>
Tom's Blog <http://tomstalkin.blogspot.com>
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